Briana (jengalill) wrote,

Equality in Intimate Relations

I'm very proud to say that in my marriage, things feel more or less equal.  That equality has changed, however.  Initially, as a strong, independent woman, I certainly wanted to strive to have the work of the house equally divided, and I didn't want my contribution to be relegated to "women's work" nor my husband to "men's work").  We both cooked together, cleaned together and did what little yard work there was (we lived in a condo at first) together.

As as life went on, things changed.  We moved to a house and the work to maintain it increased ten-fold compared to a condo.  I became increasingly more passionate about organic, local food and enrolled us in a farm-share where we paid up front and got fresh vegetables all season long- the deal being that I would have to do more of the cooking if I wanted to enroll us.  Bit by bit, Dan began doing more of the outdoor work, and I began doing more of the kitchen work.  Because I have a higher salary than Dan, and as such have to work many more hours, we finally both agreed to get a housekeeper after Devon was born.

So here we are, each of us doing the work of our specified gender roles, and I'm not always sure what to make of it.  I enjoy cooking and preparing food, perhaps more than raking the lawn and takin the trash out, and I certainly love watching our son.  I like to weed in my garden and tend to my bees.  Yet sometimes I feel frustrated.  Since Dan and I now often do different work, I often find myself questioning whether he's doing his fair share.  I often feel overworked, even though I do love to work.  This usually occurs when I see Dan regularly taking time for himself- a thing I rarely seem to do.  And perhaps some of it is jealousy.

What I do still love and what I do cherish is that Dan and I communicate well and (mostly) fairly.  When I do start to begrudge him his gaming time (of which it always seems there's so much!!) I know that I can at least talk to him and we can evaluate the situation together
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